October 21st, 2004

Subject: Movin:) Time: 10:19 am

My new LJ is Darthtoad See you there:)

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October 8th, 2004

Current Music: The Reason... Subject: Been Along time! Time: 01:34 pm Current Mood: optimistic

Man it has been a long time they have changed the format. So well, here I sit a few months older but a decade or two from where I was. It is funny that the past two, no wait three, no wait FOUR years (Fuck!) have been of the most confusing and most horrible times of my life. I have Turned my back on me, that is myself, that is who I thought I was and crossed over into the unknown. That unknown has taken so far from where I have fought so hard to get... Bought I am back, I have stopped drink (Five Months Today!) and well I can see the future. It is weird to think that you can fall so far before you hit bottom! I just thank my bottom wasn't that far. Thank you to my family and friends. Everyone that I have, well pissed on along the way, I am sorry. Sometimes you don't realize how good you have it until you through it all away... Now comes the future, School, School, and well more school!! Life begins for Todd at 28:) Now it is time to not make everyone on I know proud but time to make Myself proud!

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September 5th, 2004

Subject: YAY!!!! Time: 06:28 pm

I GOT INTO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOT WOOOT WOOOOT You are reading this because you are now talkin to the newest Student AT OGLETHORPE UNIVERISITY!!!

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July 19th, 2004

Current Music: Soggy Bottom Boys!! Subject: Psychology question of the day? Time: 01:09 pm Current Mood: curious

Do people remember instances or emotions?

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May 5th, 2004

Subject: MY Test My Test!!! Time: 12:59 pm

http://darthjr.friendtest.com :)

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April 26th, 2004

Subject: Woe To me or something to that effect:) Time: 08:53 am

So the ironic twist of falls. I Fucked my knee this past week. Torn Ligament! I was trying to get in shape now I am out for 2 weeks, no running, no football, no use! Ahh I was finally get back on that long road to getting fit! And on a purely geeky note, I have wanted to get Bald Mountain Boots sense I started larping. And I finally have the money and I cannot get fitted! Something about not being able to stand on my own two feet! That is IRONY!!! Oh and last piece is I quit smoking, cannot drink (Medicine I am on for the for mentioned knee) and cannot dance! This Blows!

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March 3rd, 2004

Subject: Woohoo! Time: 09:22 am

One Week with out a Cigarette! Man this a lot easier then I thought it would be:) I pretty much just told myself no! Of course I got mad at myself for always saying no, man I am so strict sometime:)

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February 28th, 2004

Subject: Day 5 Time: 06:30 pm

Still Quit. Last night was tough at times. Went to a bar with D and B and it was pretty rough. But I made through by chewing three toothpicks in splinters:) So far this really hasn't been that rough I am amazed=)

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February 27th, 2004

Subject: Day 4 Time: 02:22 pm

Day has been the hardest day yet. Every minute I like my head is going to explode. I don't think... Ah never mind that crap! I am find, no longing, no craving! Nose is working like a Doppler Radar and I am a little chittery but besides being really bored on my brakes no real change:)

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February 26th, 2004

Current Music: Give peace a chance:) Subject: 3 Days of No Joy (Happy, I promise) Time: 02:30 pm Current Mood: listless

So it has been three days without out smoking! I am do ok, a little twitchy but ok! Man it is difficult to give up something you have done for more then half your life. I started smoking when I was 11 (well had my first cigarette) and seriously started smoking when I turned 13. Man that was a along time ago. I cannot remember the last time I had meal without following it by a cigarette?? But now it behind me! (Knock on wood) I have given it up! Well really today is my first day without smoking. Tuesday I smoked 3 cigarette, Wednesday I smokes 2 (well 2 halves) Today None so far. (Knocking harder on wood.) But I realized something today, I need help! I need my friends and family to encourage me. It's funny I actually started rationalizing the fact that I don't want quit, why would I want to give up such a glorious habit! Man lack of nicotine can make the brain a desperate creature. So I have decided to post daily updates on my progress, some these will be funny, some will be desperate, other might be me rambling for page upon page to stop myself from thinking about smoking. Betting pools are encouraged But I will hopefully win! :P

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February 4th, 2004

Subject: Memories Refreshed Time: 10:48 pm

Well it seems I ever post to this thing when I am depressed or upset... So guess what I am depressed:( I took the eHarmony test a couple months back and every now and again I receive messages about "possible matches." I received one today from someone I never thought I would...Colleen. No shit, honest. It sort of shook me as weird. I opened up the profile for curiosity and humor sake, I wanted to see what her profile said. It was interesting, nothing to far inaccurate. But then I stumbled upon her picture. Heart dropped beyond a state rigemortous. I could breathe. I felt like that I had been shot. I got better! :) but now I feeling really lost and sort of done... Last I heard she had moved on, is dating someone else?!? Whatever... I feel like I am back in the place I was 7 months ago or however long it was. My mind cannot stop saying well it is for the best, you had so many problems, you couldn't have ever been happy in the long term, the pessimism/realism bleed forth like an unwanted gunshot wound. My heart wonders what could have been, why things had to end up the way they did? Then my mind pops in a says could you have any of what you have now if you were still with her! Maybe the bare naked truth is that I had dream, no I have a dream. I am looking for a puzzle piece that fits this dream. For awhile she fit that puzzle. But as the times grew tough, she began to grow corner piece syndrome. I am a center piece and no where near the corner. Hmm That could be an interesting analogy, the corner piece is on that usually only links to two other pieces. I need someone how could connect to all pieces? I don't know I am sort of lost again! Yes again:( but I know things will work out!

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January 14th, 2004

Subject: I don't want to go off on a Rant here! Time: 05:16 pm

Ok SO most Guys like sports, right? Ok most guys like Hockey? The Blood, the sweat a real mans sport! (I am certainly not saying it not is a woman sport too, in fact the majority of MAJOR hockey fans I know are woman!) So I have 2 free Tickets to the Thrashers game tonight, Luxury Seats! Free and I could not find one person who wanted to go?!?!?!?!? What is this world coming too?

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December 1st, 2003

Subject: So! Time: 08:07 am Current Mood: pissed off

So, the way I figure it, if every joke has a kernel of true (or whatever that saying is) Then I most be the dumbest, most unattractive moron who has ever walked the earth! I am tired of it!!!

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November 10th, 2003

Subject: Hell of a first Day! Time: 11:18 am

So Sunday night was the first night that my roommates stayed at the house they rented me (my joke for the fact that I have lived there for the last week by myself, and they have remained at their old oboes:) So anyway, D and I are watching the Simpson’s, and I decided to make dinner. I go get some food from the fridge and throw in the microwave and go and sit back down. About a minute later the buzzer goes off. Trying to be polite to D, I take the long way into the kitchen to avoid walking in front of the TV. On my short journey back to the microwave I noticed the Sliding GLASS (this will become meaningful in a second) door is open. Bosley (D's Great Dane) was out playing in the backyard, no big deal, but it was cold so I shut the door and go and grab my food. I open the microwave door and hear a loud noise and the glass being shattered, then a dog whimper... "Ah shit D~ get in here!!!" I come over to see the Sliding glass door shattered and Bosley shaking on the other side. My heart immediately exploded (Oh Shit) I ran over to Bosley who immediately coward away from me. Finally I calmed him down enough for me do a quick investigation. No cuts on his head and his eyes are clear. D came outside looked over Bosley and calmed him down some more. I went to start cleaning up the glass so that Bosley could come inside. D came over to help me. Then we noticed blood on Bosley's paw and a pretty bad cut. D look at Bosley closer and notice several more cuts that have started to bleed in this short time. We rushed Bosley to the Emergency Animal Hospital. We didn't realize how bad the situation was until we got Bosley inside and there was a small blood trail. Don't worry though, Bosley and Master D are resting at home comfortably today.) The nurse took Bosley back and the vet immediately started working on him. D and went back to D's truck and noticed the seat was blood soaked, fear was come over me. They had to put Bosley under anesthetic order to sow him up. One of the cuts cut a vein (wear the blood was come from) Bos is going to be ok though, just some stitches. Bosley came home this morning very sore, but he is doing great! This was very scary accident and I could tell that D was terrified! I also felt horrible because I was the one that closed the door moments earlier. I apologized to D and said it wasn't my fault. I guess it was really dramatizing and the one thing I cannot stand is to see a wounded animal...

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November 5th, 2003

Current Music: Makin it up as I go along - Toad:P Subject: Life is Looking:) Time: 10:28 am Current Mood: happy

Well my life is finally started looking up:) Got a great job:) and moving in some great friends:) Man I have finally started the road of normal life again, it's amazing how when things are down "Normal" Looks like such a great thing!! I wanted to apoligize to all my friends out there if I have been in a funk these past 5 months, I am back now hope I can deal with being happy again (Joke:P)

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October 20th, 2003

Subject: Ahhhh Time: 12:10 am

Ahhh I hate it when a friend is doing something that is really dumb and you know have to try and convince them not to do it:(

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October 15th, 2003

Subject: OK too wierd, or funny, or wierd!!! Time: 08:03 pm

So when I travel I get $35 for food a day, reguardless if I use it or not:) SO must the time I try and conserve it. I like to go out one night though to a nice dinner. This time I choose Kobe Steck House (yum!) I am still on Atlanta time so I went there at about 5:30 Birmingham time. Not many people there. So the hostis sat me at a table by myself, ah no biggy I'll drink free beer until the rest of the people arrive. (I am within walkin distance to my hotel, so no worries there:) So I wait about 15 minutes or 5 free beers (joke) and no one shows up. Then the chef comes out and asks me "Well it's just you and me" wierd "do you just want your food, or do you want me to perform?" First thought, AHHHHHH this is like I am a strip club that doesn't match my choosen sexual preference! (I had been drinking:P) But then I realized that he was talking about the flying knife and fire show. So I sat there and had A Japanese Chef all to myself. I felt rich, hehe Like I could afford that, dreams... Heheh

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October 13th, 2003

Subject: Social Hawk, Me? Time: 09:21 pm

Well first let me say I say Social Hawk because social butterfly just sounds too famine:) hehe Well I have to say that one thing that traveling through has taught me is that I need peeps to talk to or I go insane. That is really the only thing that I don't like being so far away from home. I love talking to friends, family, the girl at the end of the bar that is old enough to be my mother (Don't ask, I don't want to talk about this:) hehe or rather Argh!) But I guess I relize how much sitting around hanging out with friends more then anything else:)

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September 30th, 2003

Current Music: Turn the page Subject: An attempt at writing (why not) Time: 07:48 pm Current Mood: contemplative

Home on a Barstool Four legs, sometimes a back, sometimes not. But it is still home. After another flight, another road trip, there I sit. I am more familiar with the average bar stool, then I am at my own house. Seems like years sense I have been comfortable any where but here. As I sit here I watch, the business man in the corner, drowning there woes away on Bud and margaritas. The woman at the end of the bar, trying to act interested as her business associate’s bores her with details of how he is far more overworked then any one else at the not so famous company. Another man talks to his wife on the cell phone that never leaves his side. The baby hasn’t slept sense he has left. He blows kisses through a wireless gateway which leads to the most important thing in his life. Another man stares at his beer, as it is the most important thing in his. Life has lead him no where but becoming a figure in a bar at some hotel to far away from what he could still call home, if could call anything home. Cheers come from a crowd of San Francisco Giants fan, huddled around a 19 inches sub 90’s Zenith. Agony from the panhandle Marlins. And I sit here more interested in the strangers’ lives then my own…

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September 18th, 2003

Subject: Regret Time: 11:25 pm

Is possible to do something you can not forgive yourself for? I think the worst thing about life can be that sometimes you cannot live with yourself...

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